I'M A FEMINIST, BUT I'M REALLY NOT...

  So this topic, or issue is one that has constantly brought controversy and strife to the subject itself, making most people not to want to associate with the subject in general. Being quite opinionated and vocal about issues relating to women generally, many have asked at various times my take on this subject. And gladly, I’d like to share.

   First, I’m a Feminist. Ohh yeah, I really am. And I’ll tell you why. Feminism became quite known in the nineteenth century first because of the political and social system of the world then or, in many European countries. At that time, there was a complete marginalisation of the roles of women to the extent that women were not allowed suffrage, that is, the right to vote. There was a huge relegation of women to domesticity and perhaps, the background stage entirely. Now, don’t get me wrong just yet, domesticity isn’t bad at all, whether women are designed for such roles or not is an issue for another day. What I’m trying to say is that this domesticity was surrounded with ideas that, that was the only thing women were meant to do, like that was what they were cut out for. They were not supposed to have some certain jobs or to be found in certain areas in life. In fact, they were thought not smart or wise enough to engage in political activities like the men. They were not supposed to make decisions of their own or what they wanted, they were just to follow orders and go with what had been spelt out for them in a system they virtually had no say over. This inequality in very key areas of social, cultural and economic aspects of life was what led to the feminist movement.

    Later in the twentieth century, another wave of feminism started. This time, it was against rape, sexual harassment or abuse, domestic violence and much later, female genital mutilation and early marriage. Now, this is the school of feminism you’d mostly find me arguing for. The first wave of feminism I mentioned, is what I argue on mostly because of its controversial nature. But this particular one, hardly anyone challenges me when I talk about it, because, ohh well, its true. This type of feminism came about because of the need to end some of these things which at that time, no one really talked about or paid attention to. Women, at that time needed a platform, an avenue to speak out against some of these ills that the society thought was okay. 

     Now, it’s like everyone who can talk and has access to the internet and social media is a feminist, everyone has their own string of ideas about feminism which has defeated the sole purpose of this movement. The movement wasn’t for girls to scream all over on the internet about who is supposed to pay the bills at a date, or forgo one’s career for another in marriage, or even, pride in some stupid entitlement policy. Feminism didn’t also come about to discredit men generally. NO! For (Christ’s sake), we are supposed to empower women who really need empowerment and speak against the outright marginalisation of women and the female gender! Feminism isn’t man-hate.This is the reason why anyone who comes up to say he or she is a feminist is hardly listened to now. This is the reason why many people view feminists as really unreasonable people who hardly have something worthwhile to say. I’m African, and there are some cultural things or activities that don’t support feminism or anything to do with it.

 Earlier this week, while talking with my cousin who’s quite older than me, I asked him his take on feminism and I told him what I was writing about. The first question he asked me was “why on earth are you a feminist?” Taken aback by the question, I shot back “why wouldn’t I be a feminist?”. His answer left me baffled. He said “feminists are ladies who disrespect men”. For a few moments, I didn’t know how to respond to this. I was just wondering how on earth did such a premise, or perhaps, a conclusion come from. Now, I couldn’t really blame him. Of course, this was someone who was brought up in cultures and traditions that I don’t think I care to know about and he had probably seen or heard things that made him come to such conclusion. It wasn’t easy, but I did change most of his thoughts on feminism and the whole feminist movements as we talked further. 

Now let me tell y’all something. It was at talking to my cousin that I decided to be a feminist. I supported many feminist ideas but when it came to who were the feminists, I usually shied away and hid my face. I couldn’t say I was ashamed of being one, I hadn’t just made up my mind about it.

I still have barrels and barrels of things to say about feminism,  what it should be based on, issus surrounding the feminist movement, and of course, me being a feminist. But I’d just stop here in this post and discuss more about it in coming posts. 

I’d really love to hear what you think, so drop your comments below!

Queen Esther, the Feminist!😁

   

The Return! And then...

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 

      Hey there!

Ohh well.... I don’t even know what to even write, or what to even explain here. I just know that my heart is full of words and expressions that I can’t really figure out how best to pour out. And I know I want to talk about something. 

But first, I’ll have to do this apology thingy first. Because somehow, you all are the reasons for this blog and my main muse for anything I write here. So, you deserve an explanation. What happened exactly? Life happened, I think that’s just the best explanation. From a faulty device to a thousand more engagements and several other happenings, a kind of writer’s block that I don’t even know existed just came about. And then, a proper restructuring was needed here too. So lovely people, I think the blog is back now.

Now…

On what to talk about!

                                                                 

So there is this issue I have always wanted to talk about. It’s a quite popular issue, and every now and then, on social media, people talk about it, their experiences about this issue and how it has affected them. Well, I want to talk about sexual harassment.

Sexual harassment has it forms, outright rape, inappropriate touching and fondling of the sexual parts of another person, verbal insults or just really derogatory comments, and bullying one, especially someone younger or someone who you have authority against into having sex or other sexual activities. A research has shown that 3 out of 5 girls have been sexually abused or harassed by the time they are 15, and that 2 out of every 7 boys have been sexually abused before they are 15 too. Now, not to bore you, you probably don’t what to hear all the information and news surrounding sexual harassment, I’ll just talk about how I view this issue and how I think this issue should be viewed, and even, curbed at least.

A couple of months ago, two friends confided in me about their own experiences and I’ll share snippets of those experiences. The girl, she grew up with 3 other siblings in a quite big house. Their house was a huge compound with two 3-bedroom flats that housed her family and another family. Her parents were there, some times and were not, some other times. Every afternoon, when she and her siblings came back from school, they were free and played till late evening, when their parents woul come back. One day, tired of playing with their siblings, this girl went to the other side of the house where the other family lived. There were 2 teenage girls who were cousins of the family and these girls lived there. They welcomed this my friend with open arms, played with her, told her stories and on many occasions, gave her goodies. And of course, this little girl loved them so much. So every day, when this my friend came back from school, she’d hurriedly leave her siblings and go to the other house to see these her “friends”, it became a habitual thing. On one of these days, she met one of the girls with a guy, having sex, of course she had no idea what it was. Oblivious of the scene going on before her, she watched with keen and inquisitive interest, wondering what was going on and why these her friends didn’t call her to this kind of “play”. Fortunately, or unfortunately, they saw her and invited her to play with them. That was where and when she was first introduced to sex. She didn’t have sex then but she had her sexual parts played with and many other things that I don’t think I can mention happened. It became a habitual thing for her at that age, always going by their house every afternoon because, she found it “interesting”. At some point, like a year after consistent sexual rendezvous with these older girls, she was tired and began to run away from them. But she was threatened not to stop or tell anyone. Few weeks later after constant threats forcing her to continue, she was eventually raped. She was only 8 years old then. She cried like never before. But that wasn’t the end, this happened again and again. By the time she was 10, according to her, there’s nothing about sex she didn’t know, both the act and the art (if you know what I mean). And of course, she did try telling someone. She confided in her elder sister, but her elder sister shut her up, and slapped her, wondering why she would utter such rubbish or where she learnt it from. She tried her mother few months after, but her mother rebuked her and organised a deliverance session for her! Also, wondering how demons had possessed her into saying such rubbish. That was when she decided to keep to herself, becoming quiet. She became known as the girl who never spoke from the once bubbly and lively girl, broken, not trusting anyone again, not even family. Years after, she was able to open up, to a large extent, after being broken for too long. But at this point, the damage had already been done. 

Now, you have probably heard or read a similar story to this one, but what’s my point exactly. My point is that will things like this continue to happen? What are we going to do about an issue like this? Are we going to fold our arms, and continue to offer prayers to the Almighty to look upon us and protect our children from evil eyes, when in the real sense, these “evil eyes” have taken over our children right under our noses? How do we build generations who grow up peacefully without having to go through one horrible sexual encounter?

I was able to come up with a few things. 

First, the society we live in affects us in several ways and we are all products of the society. The society we live in does not believe totally that these things happen, and even when they see it happening, they turn a blind eye to it or try to shut the person down. In plainer terms, the society allows it. You are seen as being evil as a guy if you tell your parents that you were molested or touched inappropriately by your nanny, you are told to shut up and stop making up stories that are evil. NO! it shouldn’t be that way. If someone comes up and speaks about a particular sexual experience they had in the past in their naivety, like a forced experience, that person should be given the correct audience and listened to and the matter should be looked into. In this society, rape victims are more ostracised and victimised than the crime itself. I know, for sure, that there are really senseless people (I’m not sorry) who come up to make stories up, thereby, discouraging people who actually want to tell a true story. But my point is that, these people shouldn’t be ignored once they have concrete evidences to show for it.

Again, we shouldn’t forget that though society helps in shaping who people become actually, family and the home is the first point of socialisation and social relationships for anyone. I think parents have a great role to play in curbing this issue. It’s really not out of place to tell your young kids within the ages of 3-5 about how they should be wary of sexual predators around, and how they should always be ready to discuss issues bothering them with you, don’t shut them down, be their real confidants, don’t suppress them. Also, creating stringent rules built on the basis of religion hardly helps anyone. It rather, worsens things because it makes your children think that flouting these rules spells doom for them and they prefer to even die rather than go against these rules.

Sexual harassment shouldn’t be treated lightly, because its adverse effects on the victims and the society can’t be retraced, if you know what I mean. Sexual harassment of all forms would always happen and we can only hope, while changing our orientations and view, that things will get better!

It’s the 11th month guys and, I don’t think it’s too late to wish you all a Happy New Month. 

So, this is me wishing you more beautiful days in this month and the rest of the year!